


All I Ask of You

by orphan_account



Series: Oh! Darling [5]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Finally!!!, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 21:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18416498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After years of dancing around each other, Alex finally came around.Alex knew exactly what it felt like. They were so used to be best mates who secretly screwed around under the push of alcohol and then kept their mouth shut. Alex himself probably even more so. He felt the invisible resistance as well, despite his wish for more.“Let’s head back.” He spoke his thoughts out loud. “I want you to tie me up to the bedposts so I can’t get away.”





	All I Ask of You

All I Ask of You

**_1\. Theme_ **

Every surprise Alex brought, he brought it when he was wasted. The taste of alcohol left a hollow feeling inside Miles’ rib cage and he began to drink just as much, this way he wouldn’t be able to tell who was more messed up.

“Come on, Al.” He circled his arms around Alex’s waist to support him. They hadn’t been keeping up with each other recently, but Miles wasn’t that stupid to be oblivious to the fact that Alex was still _taken_.

 _Nothing new._ Miles had to stop and remind himself that _he chose this and had it coming, so he didn’t get to be upset._  

“Give us a kiss, will you?” Alex breathed out heavily, his words even heavier. Miles was so used to be crushed by those whispers that his body was simply aching to comply with Alex’s wish. He never felt it was out of place when they were together. It was always afterwards, when he was alone and the daylight fell upon his shoulder, that Miles felt _he made another mistake._  

He followed the old routine, stooping to swallow down the soft moans Alex was making. Cold sweat damped his shirt as Miles fought the impulse to touch Alex’s hair. Instead, Miles’ fingertips bit into his own palms. “Take it easy.” The world swam dizzily, making his knees go weak and shaky. But at the same time, he sounded calm and almost cold. “You want some water?”

Alex didn’t want the water. The idea of Miles leaving the room right now was obviously not welcomed. Miles waited for him to speak up while Alex looked at him in silence, trying to figure out his own thoughts. Miles always got a bit lost when Alex was like this. Usually, it was Alex who arranged his mind and decided where the road stretched to. Miles was desperate enough to let Alex make the decision all the time. Even when they were fighting, or _when he lost his bloody mind and got too greedy._  

Miles stared right back at Alex’s eyes. There was an unconscious touch of tenderness in his drunken gaze. He wondered if Alex would ever realize how cruel he had always been. He never looked at Miles like this when he could think straight. It was always after too many shots of whiskey and empty beer bottles that Alex lost control, taking the leash which had never really left his hands.

“Come here, Miles.” He decided finally. It’s neither an order nor a suggestion. Alex just stated what was bound to happen in a few minutes. Somehow to him Miles never ceased to be predictable. 

 “I want you.” Alex murmured.

Miles was by his side in a blink.

****

**_2\. Eureka_**  

Alex remembered himself rambling, after idling an afternoon away on that small leather sofa in Miles’ living room. Miles was making a late coffee for himself in the kitchen. His bare feet appeared to be really pale against the bold graffiti on the floor. “You know how people often get loud when they want to be serious, to make a point? You are quite the opposite, Miles.”

He forgot what they were talking before he ruined the comfortable air around with that sentence. Miles casted him a long, accusing glance. _What was the last time Alex had seen him like this?_ Could be when they were still on tour together and Miles bared his soul to him during some stupid argument. Or maybe it was when they were both soaked in the warm moonlight in Mexico and Miles kept his mouth shut as Alex gave French kisses to someone else. Either way, it had been a long time.

Miles sat down next to him. His kneecap dug into Alex’s thigh as he moved closer. “What makes you say that, Al?”

The softness in his raspy voice worked better than any sort of alcohol to take Alex’s guard down. The question rolled right off his tongue like a tickling time bomb. “Why aren’t you angry?”

“What,” Miles flashed a crooked smile at his frown, puzzled. “You think I should?”

“Not really.” Eventually he concluded. “Maybe I was just expecting you to.” 

“Well, sorry I didn’t live up to your expectation, la. What else do you have in mind?” Miles blurred out a wry, self-mocking laugh, showing no intention to shy away when Alex leaned in to kiss his stubble.

“I quite like your new dining table, Miles. Let’s do it here.” Alex said half sarcastically. He wasn’t drunk enough to forget the details tomorrow morning. At the same time, he wasn’t sober enough to deny how much better it felt when he was _more present_. 

Alex looked at Miles in the eyes, challenging him, and Miles sighed. He was obviously upset when Alex kissed him on the lips, but still responded to Alex’s kiss like no other. More and more Alex began to realize _the control_ he had over the younger man, that Miles wouldn’t stop Alex from doing _literally anything_. There was a time that this provoked Alex into pushing further, just to get a rare, fierce reaction back. But now the familiar gesture brought a warm, tingling feeling to every inch of his body.

Sweet fear made him shudder, his head pounded. For so many times had Miles confessed his love and Alex shushed him for some reason that was unknown to even himself. He might have just figured that one out.

****

**_3\. Outset_ **

Miles hadn’t spent much time pondering over the concept of them. It could be very complicated if there had to be an accurate definition. He’d rather exhaust himself with something more touchable.

However, repeatedly Miles would think about the first proper kiss they shared. After a long night of working in the studio, Alex surprised him with beer and some homemade snacks. The warm breeze of France romanticized every movement and Miles was stuck on site, perplexed by the way Alex smiled and stared and took care of him. Alex was always a heavenly friend. _You couldn’t really blame Miles for falling for him._  

“You have beautiful eyes.” After the third beer Alex blurred out. It wasn’t a compliment people would often say to their mate while gazing at the gasping mouth. And it wasn’t even long after Alex had politely swept Miles’ crush for him under the carpet. Miles was too shocked to react when Alex suddenly killed the distance between them, breathing in every little bit of repressed feelings Miles had been holding in his chest.

It could have been the best night ever, if only Alex hadn’t pulled away, panicked and confused. The alcohol ruined Alex’s geniuses, but Miles wasn’t drunk. All those years Miles had hated himself for _being so fucking lucid_ that night. He hated that he had chickened out and offered Alex the easy way out, laughing out loud and kissing Alex on the cheek.

_Please. Please let him know it wasn’t a dumb mistake. Let him love me back._

His prayers weren’t answered. Alex didn’t get to see how badly Miles was hurting because he was pissed as hell and clearly scared. And Miles couldn’t stand seeing him upset. He pushed himself further, despite knowing he’d regret this someday down the road. “…just have some fun. Relax, Al. It’s no big deal.” He lied through shuddering teeth, feeling empty and somehow **_unfaithful_.**

They didn’t talk about it the morning after. Miles doubted if Alex even remembered. But then, in Berlin after the party Alex sneaked into his room and kissed him again. This time they both got so worked up that the “fun” became impossible to be just friendly. It led to a deliberately prolonged separation which drove them both crazy, until Alex ended up in Miles’ London flat when Alexa was on a work trip to New York. Alex was desperate to have Miles _on him, inside him and everywhere_. His kisses were sloppy and tasted like whiskey, while Miles was simply high from having Alex here.

The following day Miles woke up in bed all alone. He allowed himself to feel _shocked (betrayed)_ for only this once, weeping into the other pillow which still smelt like Alex.

It’s another night that they never talked about. 

“Miles.” Alex would speak slowly, making sure that he’d pronounced Miles’ name clearly so it couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. _Miles._ Alex repeated, his tone satisfied, lightened by alcohol. There was another unspoken request glistening in his eyes. “Take my hand.”

Miles frowned at the abrupt request.  Even now, Miles could still get lost during his exploration of Alex’s mind sometimes. The idea of going ahead was frightening enough to slow him down, but not enough to stop him. “Al-” He wanted to ask, but then stopped mid-sentence because how vulnerable it had made him, being the only serious player on the table. Silently, Miles lifted Alex’s stilled right hand off the piano, took it into his own hand and tangled their fingerers together on his lap. Alex gazed down at where their hands were joint, at Miles' compliance.

Something unreadable in his eyes was unfamiliar to Miles.

 

**_4\. Reprise_ **

He had owned the keys to Miles’ new flat for nearly a year now. Today was the first time that Alex welcomed himself inside. He had hesitated for a whole week, maybe a bit more if he was to be honest to himself. Alex felt like an intruder when he settled down on Miles’ sofa, hands sweaty from what he was planning to do. _Was this how Miles always felt when he was with Alex? Not knowing what would happen next, yet deciding to suck it and see_? 

Alex didn’t move a muscle when the door was opened. Miles let out a surprised yelp when he found Alex curling upon his sofa with a book in hand. He almost dropped a six-pack onto Alex’s head. “What the fuck, Alex!” He grunted, sounding more amused than annoyed. “At least make some noise!”

It’s still early. The last ray of sunshine was just leaving a goodbye kiss on the window frame. Alex put down his book and took in Miles’ appearance. As usual, he was wearing a white T-shirt with black jeans and some over-the-top overpriced belt. Alex noticed Miles was also holding a bag from that record store around the corner, and judging from that, he’d have a lovely night.

“Don’t you have that thing-” Miles made a funny face, arms dancing in the air as soon as he put down the stuff he had in hand. “Something. It’s tonight, isn’t it?”

 “A charity ball...told them I couldn’t make it.” 

Alex was about to say more. However, Miles was already humming happily after his short explanation, bending down to drop a kiss onto his temple. It was scarily natural to have Miles touch him like this, and Alex felt his stomach burning as Miles walked away, casually asking if Alex wanted pizza or Chineses takeout for dinner.

Miles did not realize _why Alex was here._ His sweet ignorance, once would make Alex feel he had everything under control, now was like a dagger in him. “I have something for ya.” He rushed to finish the sentence. Miles turned back to him and smirked, still unaware of Alex’s ridiculous plan.

“How sweet.” Miles returned into the living room. His fingers now buried in Alex’s hair. “Should I take a guess what that is?”

“No. I’d rather you don’t.” His tongue felt numb and clumsy. Miles’ smile was gone immediately. He could read the anxiety on Alex’s face and the teasing pressure on his scalp instantly became _comforting_.

Alex took in another deep breath. He was trembling slightly even when Miles kneeled down to looked at him in the eyes. “What’s wrong, Al? Talk to me-”

He grasped at Miles’ wrist and put the keys to this flat back into his hand.

Miles froze. For a few seconds he stayed silent and looked down. Alex could see him going into the wrong direction when Miles shrank away out of the blue. "Oh." He spoke with a low voice- _Miles was only loud when he was happy._ “Finally settling down, innit?”

“Miles, I want you to have the keys.” He continued, ignoring the question. Miles glanced at Alex in disbelief. If anything, his expression was just _painful_. Alex gripped him tightly when Miles tried to pry his hand free. “Just-just for now.”

 

**_5\. Detour_ **

The first idea that crossed his mind was that Alex must be _drunk_.

“What is this?” He demanded, the sharp edge of the keys digging into his palm. The floor was tilting, and Miles had to sit back down on his feet. “Alex, I swear if you’re-” 

“Till I earn them back, okay?”

He didn’t understand. “Why? You don’t have to earn anything from me.” Miles said almost defensively. It surely felt like an insult when Alex implied that he needed to “behave” for Miles to give him back something Alex already had and _would always have._  

Alex’s expression softened even more, if that’s possible. He almost looked _timid_. “I know, but I want to. I think I should.”

Miles tried his best to find some traces of humour on Alex’ face. His head was filled with clouds as he discovered none. For a while, Miles just sat there like a fucking statue, unable to move or speak. The veiled meaning behind Alex’s act frightened him. _No one loved Alex like he did._ Miles had stuck to his destructive devotion for so long that there was simply not much left inside him to _hope._

 _What was this supposed to mean?_ He’d scream if he hadn’t felt weak all of a sudden. And right in front of him that was Alex who was shivering with anticipation,  _the one who’s always leaving._ Alex just left a serious promise into his hands without a sign and Miles had long stopped to dream about it. Maybe it was him who’s so wasted that he began to imagine things-

“Miles.” Alex urged him nervously for a reply. Only then did Miles know it was certainly all real, and the power Alex just put in his hand was so much different than Alex letting Miles take control when they were in bed. It’s something _bigger_ and completely _new._

It was beyond ridiculous when he began to mumble, “Sorry, Al. It’s just…it’s a lot to take in, you know what I mean? You’re with her-”

“Not anymore, no.” Alex interrupted him again, more out of panic than impatience. Miles gasped in shock while Alex’s brows knitted in concentration. He seemed slightly embarrassed. “I wasn’t…it would be the same as the old times if I’d asked you first, is that right? I know it’s a strange time for me to-” 

Before Miles realized, he was silencing Alex with a tormenting kiss. Miles hadn’t wanted no more fighting since forever, but a tinge of anger inevitably bled into his tongue. Alex’s arms were around him unhesitatingly. He groaned helplessly when Miles sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth. Shame welled up inside his stomach as Miles realized he secretly enjoyed having Alex like this, waiting in despair. _Just like Miles always did for him._

The keys were dropped on the floor somewhere, forgotten. As the night closed on them both, Alex was lying on his back, still waiting. There were a few inches between them because Miles chose to lie down on the edge of the bed. He could easily picture the warmth of Alex’s body with what’s engraved in his memory.

Miles gave a small sigh and took Alex’s hand. “Stay?”

 

**_6\. Inertia_ **

It was rare that Alex didn’t recognize what words had left his mouth. But the music was loud, the lights blinding, and the drinks were working wonders. The ceiling felt very far away, so did his problems. 

What did people expect him to act on a post-breakup party? Probably just like this- _drunk, inarticulate and seemingly heartbroken_. But what did Miles expect him to do after he had agreed to give them a try? That, Alex couldn’t figure out. 

They didn’t see each other for nearly a week and now Miles was having a laugh with Jamie at the back. Alex was chatting with some girl, a friend of his friend. Miles didn’t come over to their table. It's frustrating that he could look at Alex all the same, as if nothing had changed. _It almost made Alex regret._

He went to get himself another beer. When Alex turned back to the crowd, Miles was gone.

The panic rising inside him was also new. Like a foal Alex staggered out of the door. He was relieved to find Miles under the streetlight, struggling to light a cigarrete as the thin drizzling fell. His frustrated grumble was childish and weirdly endearing. Alex couldn’t help but smile. “I was looking for you.”

The rain sobered Alex up. Miles smiled back. His eyes were shining under the light. “You were having fun.” Miles chuckled. It’s a hilarious sound but felt like a blow right at Alex’s face. Miles saw his expression and hurried to explain himself before Alex even began. “It’s not you, Al. It was me fault, really. I was just being petty.”

Miles stole a quick glance before looking away again. Alex hated when he wasn’t being loud and somewhat annoying. Miles threw away the damp cigarrete, tugging at his hair in stress. When they were younger, Miles would get unseasonably jealous. It was a mystery to Alex how now he just acted _apologetically._

“I was good at relationships.” Alex lashed out, and once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “It’s easy to give myself away and be someone they’d expect me to be. I enjoyed that, you know? I love it a lot. But it’s always so difficult with you, always! You just never…I don’t know you what you want from me, Miles. I can’t see what you’re seeing in me and sometimes the way you looked at me…it scared me.”

Miles glared at him as if Alex just accused him of killing a puppy. “Are you fucking serious? I’ve told you a million times that I just fucking love y-”

“At first,” This was the most honest Alex had ever been, to Miles and to himself. “At first I was just curious. I wanted to know what the fuck was wrong with you. But then I couldn’t seem to quit thinking about it as well…you got into my head. And you’d let me…a few times I was intentionally being a bastard just to see if you’d push me back, tell me to fuck off, ask me to do something, anything…but you didn’t, Miles. You don’t prefer me in any way.”

The raged confusion in Miles’ posture vanished. He approached Alex cautiously, as if he was going to touch a scared kitten. “You’re getting it all wrong, Alex. I don’t want you to change for me.” 

Alex shook his head desperately. “I’m rather characterless and you know that.” He warned Miles. “You don’t need me, Miles.” 

“I don’t, but I’ve chosen to be with you. I want to, alright?” Miles cooed, arms around Alex’s waist and pulling him close, his warmth as comforting as daybreak. “You can be a miserable bastard sometimes, I must say. I don’t mind…well, not in the long run, I guess. But you’re not bland, Alex, for fuck sake. How can you not see it?”

Alex choked out a sob. He seldomly cried. The rain hid his tears but not the quivering apologies he’s repeatedly making. “I didn’t mean to love you back. I never thought I would.” If it’s with somebody else, he’d be worried he was being too brutal and cruel. But he was with Miles and Miles understood him better than anyone. “When I asked you the other day, I didn’t know before.”

“You’re just extremely dumb.” Miles kissed the top of his head. He was unbearably gentle. “I don’t think you were messing with me on purpose, Al. And I am happy, I really am. You have no idea - but I’m also paranoid like hell. Whenever you talked to someone I’m just- I was sort of waiting for you leave me behind again, you know? I can just see it inside me head, like a horror movie.” 

Alex knew exactly what it felt like. They were so used to be best mates who secretly screwed around under the push of alcohol and then kept their mouth shut. Alex himself probably even more so. He felt the invisible resistance as well, despite his wish for more.

“Let’s head back.” He spoke out his thoughts loud. “I want you to tie me up to the bedposts so I can’t get away.”

Miles’ embrace turned rigid. He pushed Alex away so his gaze could fall directly into Alex’s eyes. “If you ever want it to end, let me know and we will stop, Al. I’d never force you to-”

“Of course you won’t, such a gentle man, my Miles.” He insisted. The burn in his stomach spread to his chest and cheeks. “Wanna show you I’ve come around.”

Alex can see the effect he had on Miles even before the words left his mouth. The fear, the confusion and the guilt he could swallow down and digest without a sound, but **_love_ **brought an overwhelming sensation.

Miles leaned in to kiss him. It was an innocent, almost friendly one. “Sure. When you are sober, okay?”

 

 **7. _ **P** ostlude_** 

“Just keep the keys, Alex.” Miles slipped the metal cluster into the pocket of Alex’s coat, which was hanging beside with Miles’ leather jacket. “Seriously, I’m not opening the damn door for you at eight in the morning again.”

“It’s nearly nine.” Alex pointed at a watch that’s only visible in his head. Miles cracked at his straight face, melting when Alex threw himself on bed and snuggled up with him.

“Al?” Hidden in his sleepy mumble was an awfully composed love letter. In his whole life, Miles had written none. Before he would come up with random nicknames for Alex all the time. He answered his phone with bullshits like _“hi baby, yeah… of course I’ll be around”._ Back then those were belittled by jokes and smirks and kisses on the cheeks. _Gestures of friendship._ Alex had been amused when Miles began to abuse his right to call Alex whatever stupid cheesy things he could think of. But all those things aside, Miles just called him _Al_. He did when they were nineteen and he kept the old habit until they were in their thirties.

“Matt arrived yesterday. We’ll have dinner with the guys tonight, remember?”

Miles groaned loudly. “Dinner, Alex! It usually happens after 6 pm!”

“Well, I missed you.” Alex admitted casually. Moment like this still hit Miles like a blow to the head even after months of being together.

Alex brought scrambled eggs and coffee into the study room. Miles was playing a few random notes on the piano and it slowly turned into a piece of melody he had been working on. Alex joined him, adding notes here and there.

He played Miles the song he recorded yesterday. Alex changed the lyrics again and sang it idly. There was a light in his eyes when Alex was immersed in music. The happy and proud, nearly boyish side of him was Miles’ favourite. Miles loathed that sometimes Alex still couldn’t help but try to be “better” for him, and he hated to think that he might have unintentionally pressed for more.  

Alex stopped and raised his brows in question. “What, Miles?”

“I love you.” Miles blurted out. He was suddenly emotionally for no reason. “It feels like I’m about to wake up, sometimes. Even when I’m awake.” 

He wasn’t making any sense, but Alex managed to understand him none the less. His smile dimmed a little as he reached for Miles’ hand. “Let’s go for a walk, Miles.”

They ended up being outside all afternoon. Miles’ face was numb from the cold breeze and Alex had a running nose when they finally stopped outside the restaurant. Their friends were already sitting beside a window table. Alex casted Miles a strange, heated glance. The skin on Miles’ neck burned when Alex smiled at him through half-closed eyes. 

He was stunned when Alex suddenly turned around and knocked on the glass. Matt waved at them and Jamie immediately gestured them to come inside. Alex turned back, an almost predatory smile on the corner of his mouth. There was a time that Alex’s shoulders would become tight if they were watched. Now he stared bluntly at Miles as if he’d rather be _here_ than anywhere in the world.

Miles gasped in surprise when Alex kissed him, his lips tingling because of the warmth from Alex’s tongue. Everything around them dissolved. The quiet, satisfied laughter that escaped from Alex’s mouth was more beautiful than any tunes that Miles had ever heard before.

 

+END+

**Author's Note:**

> This is the end of this series. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> As always, feedbacks are welcomed and cherished. Thanks so much for reading x


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